The Rendering Ninja

For those of you that aren't aware, my computer was fried a couple weeks ago and I've been stuck on this crap laptop since. So what am I doing about this computer situation I'm in? Well here's the plan:

1.) Rape and pillage a small town in southern California.
2.) Sell all the assets to China.
3.) Lose 99.999% of profits through customs and shipping.
4.) End up with 5 dollars, which puts my checking account up to negative $171.00
5.) Endure embarassing media attention for the disaster.
6.) Steal a new computer.

What would I need in a new system you ask? I would wait till Augest for the Opteorn Socket F's. Here's the current A-list:

CPU -> 2.8 or 3.0 ghz equivelant dual core Opteron Socket F. Socket F will not be much faster than current CPU's, but they will be upgradable to quad core processors and better memory. In theory that would keep my computer around for 3 more years without a complete overhaul.
RAM -> 16gb of 667mhz DDR2, with ECC. This much RAM is required because my renders require two things they didn't a year ago: hair and high resolution. With this much RAM I will be able to render everyhting I make as a print!
HD'S -> Two SAS drives in raid 0 for main OS, and four 500 or 750 GB drives for storage and general use. The purpose of seperating the OS and the data is so that I can clean install the OS if it ever become damaged without ever losing needed data.
VIDEO -> A good but not ridiculous video card, a 7900GT perhaps. Any more spent on video car dis money better spent on other parts, like RAM or CPU.
MONITOR -> Hopefully a 24 or 30 inch screen, but most likely 24. Samsung is coming out with new ones to compete with Dell and Apples amazing new screens, so they will bring the prices down.

With a system like that I should be able to render anything I've ever done more than 2 or 3 times as fast as I could before. And not only that, it would cut out all my crashing problems resulting from needing higher quality images with hair/fur, detailed lighting, etc. So not only will it be much faster, but I'll simply be more physically capable of things I couldn't do before. I could render a print of Technical Imperfection, Hard Boiled Scrambler, or Love Juice.

I miss making renders like those. I hate this laptop. I want to be free of this problem that wasn't even my fault to begin with.

So you can see why I would pretty much kill for a system like that now, right?

Does anyone know any rich friends? Anyone who likes digital art and runs a big advertising company? Anyone who knows someone who would sponsor a loser like me? Cause I'll totally pimp out your company if you want. This blog WILL get popular, and I can guarantee that.

Please for the love of God let there be some rich person out there who likes me.